The Honest Guide to Social Media

[Mr. Fox]

Enjoy...

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📕 The Honest Guide to Social Media

An unfiltered dictionary for the chronically online.

Welcome to the modern digital jungle, where validation is currency, filters are armor, and everyone’s shouting into the same algorithmic abyss. Below is your field guide to the biggest platforms — rebranded to match how they actually feel after five minutes of scrolling. Proceed with caution (and maybe therapy).

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🟦 FACEPOOT

Origin: Facebook, aged like milk.
Definition: A nostalgia machine and misinformation buffet rolled into one.
Tagline: “Connecting people who should really stay disconnected.”
Highlights: Wedding photos, pyramid schemes, and your uncle’s political rage posts.
Symptoms of Overuse: Excessive commenting, blurry memes, and mild regret.

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🐦 TWATTER

Origin: Twitter, after decades of progressive emotional decay.
Definition: The internet’s public restroom wall — but with more branding deals.
Tagline: “Screaming into the void since 2006.”
Highlights: Cancelations, performative empathy, and people mistaking sarcasm for insight.
Symptoms of Overuse: Doomscrolling, passive-aggressive replies, and believing that you’re a thought leader because one tweet got 40 likes.

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📸 INSTASHAM

Origin: Instagram, but with 100% more self-delusion.
Definition: A virtual shrine to fake happiness and overpriced lattes.
Tagline: “Look perfect. Feel hollow.”
Highlights: Beach photos taken three years ago, toxic positivity, and sponsored “authenticity.”
Symptoms of Overuse: Comparing your life to someone’s highlight reel, compulsive face-filtering, and the urge to say “link in bio.”

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🎵 TITKOK

Origin: TikTok, filtered through chaos and caffeine.
Definition: A 15-second dopamine slot machine powered by thirst traps and trauma jokes. A safe haven where freaks can feel normal.
Tagline: “Addicted to stupidity in 15 seconds or less.”
Highlights: Teenagers doing dances that require core strength you’ll never have, plus one guy who suddenly teaches you taxes.
Symptoms of Overuse: Time loss, brain rot, deception, pronoun obsession, random sound bites of dysphoric maniacs, celebrations of murdered dads and husbands that dare to hold a mainstream point of view and learning more about strangers’ childhoods than your own.

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💼 LICKEDIN

Origin: LinkedIn, pretending to be professional while secretly desperate.
Definition: A corporate cosplay convention where everyone humblebrags for attention.
Tagline: “Where job titles are inflated and egos are unemployed.”
Highlights: Inspirational posts from people who just got laid off and “networking” messages that feel suspiciously flirty.
Symptoms of Overuse: Referring to yourself as a “thought partner,” writing essays about “resilience,” and applauding strangers like it’s church.

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👽 REDDTIT

Origin: Reddit, the front page of the internet — and the back alley too.
Definition: A labyrinth of echo chambers where self-proclaimed geniuses debate minor details with cultlike fervor.
Tagline: “Where idiots network with other idiots to prove who’s right — again.”
Highlights: The same 12 opinions recycled endlessly, karma farming, and communities built entirely around hating slightly different communities.
Symptoms: Chronic smugness, hateful and illogical paragraph-length replies to strangers, and the belief that you “did your own research.”

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🎧 DISCHORD

Origin: Discord, the world’s loudest chatroom disguised as “community.”
Definition: A digital basement filled with niche obsessions, inside jokes, and arguments that last until 4 a.m.
Tagline: “A place where introverts talk nonstop and logic goes offline.”
Highlights: Half-baked debates, moderators on power trips, and 400 unread messages you’ll never catch up on.
Symptoms: Sleep loss, cult-like server loyalty, and knowing way too much about people you’ve never met.

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📱 FINAL THOUGHTS

Social media promised to connect us — and it did. Mostly to anxiety, insecurity, identify theft and a steady stream of disinformation and sketchy content we can’t stop hate-scrolling. So take this dictionary as both a guide and a warning: every “like” is just another brick in the digital asylum the sheeple of the world built together.

 

Now log off. Or at least pretend to.