finally drove to the city new achievement.

[raptorddd]

i will tell you about of my life.

well few of you might know that i suffer from anxiety and panic attacks. 

when i was a child i remember feeling this strange feeling on my throat i felt tightness .

what i told my mom was i felt like ball on my throat thats how i describe it. we usually were going from town to town.

my dad drink beer a lot. so he would give a sip of beer and that would help feel better.

( now i assume that hot weather made me feel this way)

 

this would not happen often. so i lived a normal life. then i got older as a teenager i had ths happened but it was like every 2 years and it lasted seconds.

again i lived a normal life.

 

on my 20's i started using amphetamine drugs ( yeah that was the worst and stupidest decision i made) do i regret it YES. but whats done is done and i have to take responsibility of my actions.

 

fast forward. i had a nice girlfriend which help me a lot which made me see the world in a different way. and i made the decision to stop using drugs. ive never did any wrong or disrespected anyone i knew and could control what i was doing it just felt good. because of her and because of my mom.i said no more and been clean ever since more than 20 years .

 

but i made changes in life. like i started to stop hanging with them people. so all i did was work be at home and see my GF.

after 2 years one day at my job when i was sitting on my truck on lunch hour all of the sudden i started to feel weird like fast hearth palpitations shake and hot. it took me by surprise that i didnt even know what was happening. GF and her sister pick me up and they take me to a clinic i was told it was nothing that i should go to a park take a walk anndsee nature to relax. i was prescribed medicine for depression.

next day i woke up got ready for work, drove on freeway and before the exit to my work place again i felt the same. i had to park and called home to pick me up. and ever since then i have not been the same person my life made a 360* change.

 

couldn't  go places, or keep a job. my GF distance herself from me. 

 

now on 2009 i am back to my country in mexico. i do want to mentioned that i felt safer in the usa. because like i knew where i was or seeking help was easier i also think that people in the usa are more aware of illnesses.

 

so am in mexico i dont know people. friends are gone or married. and the hot weather here made it worst for me.

i spent 1 year at home could not leave the block ass soon i felt the need to go bac home.

so its been 15 years here and have not worked i had a few GF but they all lie.  

as ive said i felt safer in the USA because here streets dont have names or house numbers LOL. and safer because theres are more hospital than here.  i think i am unsecure.

 

so lately i have been getting used to weather i can go places,  but most of the tiem i have to have someone with me i feel Better this way.

i started driving to this town that is 12 miles from home. at times i feel panic but try to hold it.

 

about 3 months i started seeing a dr and psychologist as always test are all good so its all mentally.

i have decided to make a change in life.  i have goals i want to achieve in life. get a good paying job find me a girl and start a family. and help my mom.

 

well first achievement i made was i drove alone by myself i drove 10 miles.  

theres is this girl i like wich i seen and she has seen me but i have never talked to her. i had ways to talk to here but i never did because of my problems. like not having a job. beign at home for 15 years there isnt much to talk about. but main reason its me not having money.

i have only talked to her mom. so i decided to visit her and finally have a conversation with her.   unfortunately she wasnt there LOL.

apparently if mom isnt lying she is in tijuana on vacation BUT she might look for work there fuck i said that is not good news. 

 

the second achievement is i drove to the city i had to take my dad wich turned 90 last week go see the dr for a foot infection.

so again i drove this time with mom and a friend of her i drove 35 miles 

once i asked the dr sir should i.... DO IT he says. so what ever i have to do ill just do it.

 

so from not leaving home to driving 35 miles its a big achiement. becuase i like to have somoeone tha is capable of driving in case i get a bad panic and the 1st thing in my mind is go back home.

so those are my goals. a good job and start a family. but i live in a very small town so not much opportunities.

before i didnt care if the jjob pay was bad. or any position. 

but if i ever have a family i want to give them the best thats waht changed my way of thinking.

so yeah i wanted to share something that is important to me and so you know a bit more about me.

 

 

[ryan]

Wow....and this is why....loved your story..to anyone tldr..read it

[Eban]

Wow. Not sure what to say here.

But to be so out of control of your own body (during the attack) must be a truly terrifying experience.

I wish you peace of mind in this life @raptorddd...and in the next also

[raptorddd]

On 8/25/2024 at 4:04 PM, ryan said:

Wow....and this is why....loved your story..to anyone tldr..read it

thank you.

this is a new beggining of part of my life.

 

On 8/26/2024 at 3:31 AM, Eban said:

Wow. Not sure what to say here.

But to be so out of control of your own body (during the attack) must be a truly terrifying experience.

I wish you peace of mind in this life @raptorddd...and in the next also

very bad experience. its something dumb thats how i describe it its because you fear FEAR or just avoid it and are afraid to have another episode of panic.

fells like you about to die. and has deprive me of beautiful things in life and time cant be brought back.

thank you.

 

[6730b]

^^^ Fear of fear... yes, doubling the troubles. I know a lot about these things.
Stay strong, and stick to a conviction: you will \ want to \ can overcome it.

[raptorddd]

21 hours ago, 6730b said:

^^^ Fear of fear... yes, doubling the troubles. I know a lot about these things.
Stay strong, and stick to a conviction: you will \ want to \ can overcome it.

i see you had them so you know what am talking about.

thank you.

in mexico if i tell a person they wont beleive me or theyll say it is nothing.  i know this is how we are. because at some point i was the same i didnt beleive it or couldnt comprehend my ex gf would shake and sweat when she see me. and i was like why.? you shouldnt  now i know it happens

like i said the world needs to be more educated towards any health issues.

[kojack]

On 8/28/2024 at 3:35 PM, raptorddd said:

i see you had them so you know what am talking about.

thank you.

in mexico if i tell a person they wont beleive me or theyll say it is nothing.  i know this is how we are. because at some point i was the same i didnt beleive it or couldnt comprehend my ex gf would shake and sweat when she see me. and i was like why.? you shouldnt  now i know it happens

like i said the world needs to be more educated towards any health issues.

I am on your side.  I had a different kind of health scare, as you know.  However, my son with autism has these panic attacks when certain things trigger him. When he was younger he was afraid of dogs, animals of all sorts, he still cannot be left alone.  Someone has to be in the house with him or with him outside at all times.  I completely understand what you are going through. How to beat it?  I cannot give any advice, only you can get that done.  If it is legal down there, try CBD gummies.  You don't get high off them, but they do stabilize alot of things in your internal systems. It can reduce pain, stress, regulate your nervous system and treat alot of different health issues. Before it became legal here, there was thousands of studies proving the benefits of it and finally the government woke up and stopped with the religious kookery blocking very beneficial natural treatments. EDIT: I have arthritis in my neck and back  from 35 years of off road motorcycle and snowmobile racing and getting hit head on in an accident (not my fault).  CBD is the ONLY thing that gets rid of the pain so I can sleep throughout the night, wake up the next morning, get out of bed and not walk like quazimoto for the first 30 mins of the morning. That stuff works, and it's a "miracle treatment".  It also makes me not want to kill people that come into work acting like aholes. 

[raptorddd]

8 hours ago, kojack said:

I am on your side.  I had a different kind of health scare, as you know.  However, my son with autism has these panic attacks when certain things trigger him. When he was younger he was afraid of dogs, animals of all sorts, he still cannot be left alone.  Someone has to be in the house with him or with him outside at all times.  I completely understand what you are going through. How to beat it?  I cannot give any advice, only you can get that done.  If it is legal down there, try CBD gummies.  You don't get high off them, but they do stabilize alot of things in your internal systems. It can reduce pain, stress, regulate your nervous system and treat alot of different health issues. Before it became legal here, there was thousands of studies proving the benefits of it and finally the government woke up and stopped with the religious kookery blocking very beneficial natural treatments. EDIT: I have arthritis in my neck and back  from 35 years of off road motorcycle and snowmobile racing and getting hit head on in an accident (not my fault).  CBD is the ONLY thing that gets rid of the pain so I can sleep throughout the night, wake up the next morning, get out of bed and not walk like quazimoto for the first 30 mins of the morning. That stuff works, and it's a "miracle treatment".  It also makes me not want to kill people that come into work acting like aholes. 

yes am aware of your health condition.

i hope your son is doing well.panics its a terrible thing to live with.

yes i was just like him when i cama back to mexico i had to have someone here with me. i had my nephew back them mom and dad would go to california and visit realtives.

and i had to stay. so my nephew stayed with me. i remember getting tense and i would just lay down and wait for him to get out of school. felt like an eternity.

and at times i had to told him not to go to school. back then i gave him a xbox 360 wich he played and stayed at home with me.

as of now i have no idea what triggers it. i justs remember that what triggers it its weather when its very hot. and when am somewhere say at the store and the car doesnt start or battery drained ect thats when i start to feel tense and panic.

 

yes cbd its legal i think i saw some cbd gummies at a pharmacy ad. i do have people telling me to smoke MJ that it would help. but i also heard other people that it makes them feel paranoid. but am not into smoking. i know cbd its just and ingridient and that some other are removed adn leave only cbd. without making you feel high.

 

am going to discuss about cbd  with my dr. and phychologist

thanks for the advice.